This post was first published on my Substack here
Why Young People Leave the Church and How We Can Help them Stay –
A response to the Pastors Heart discussion on youth and the Church.
Why Young People Leave the Church and How pastors can help them stay –
It was one of the privileges of my life to work with and amongst Sydney Anglicans for four years between 2019 and 2023. I learned a considerable amount.
Sydney Anglicans are a remarkable denomination. They have managed to be faithful to the gospel over many years, and have brought a strength and stability to much of not only Australian, but world evangelicalism. But they are now facing major difficulties. And in my view, with my limited experience, I reckoned almost from the time that I came to Sydney, that they had a real difficulty particularly with young people.
This did not appear to be the case. Youth groups were often well-attended. Some, like St Thomas’s in North Sydney were outstanding examples of how to do youth ministry. University ministry was done with vigour, and seemed to be successful. And yet, underneath the surface, I felt that there were major fault lines, particularly in this area of ministry. I tried to speak about this, but you had to be really careful because you are the outsider, and what do you know? Furthermore, your analysis could actually be wrong. I remember one particular meeting where I suggested that there was a real problem for Sydney Anglicans with young people after leaving University and that there was a significant drop off. This was strongly disputed – but afterwards one pastor told me he agreed and that his children were prime examples of that – once keen members of their church youth group and then AFES, but now not even attending church.
By the time I left Sydney Anglicans in 2023 I felt that there had been a significant change – the problem was not just that people were leaving after university, but that increasingly young people were leaving before university. One church I spoke to had almost 50% of their young people who were still at home no longer attending any church, and 25% were attending other groups.
I was reminded of all this in watching “The Pastor’s Heart” this week, where Dominic Steele discussed with Ruth Lakabyo, the Dean of Students at Youthworks College in Sydney, why young people are leaving the church and how pastors can help them stay. It was a fascinating and frustrating discussion. Watch it for yourself. It reminded me of many of the issues that I had observed when I was with Sydney Anglicans.
A brief summary of the discussion would be that there was understandably concern expressed that a survey seemed to show that 70% of those who attended church at age 11 are no longer attending in their mid-20s; and that 64% of children living at home were still attending church, which meant that 36% were not. There was much discussion on why both teenagers and young adults were leaving. It was also the case that, as the McCrindle census data pointed out, 36% of young adults who had ticked the Christian box were now ticking the no religion box in the period 2016 to 2021. Some hope was expressed that 8% went the other way, and this was described as kids coming back to the faith.
Then a number of solutions or practical things to do were offered. I would like to look at these and some of the analysis in a little bit more detail, because my perspective is somewhat different. Whilst there was much that was said that was good, to my mind, there was a large amount missed out. So let’s go some of the issues one by one. These are in no particular order. They’re just observations on the discussion and the wider scene.
1) Should we rely on Survey Data?
One of the frustrations I have had, and still have, with so many evangelical organisations is the obsession with data. ‘Facts’ are cited from survey data as though they are holy writ! But the data should be questioned. It is often based on a relatively small online sample. It tends to be more an opinion poll rather than actual facts and figures. So when you hear ‘70% of young people who attended church at age 11 no longer attend in their mid 20’s” this is not quite accurate. Australian Community Surveys use standard questions, an online survey from a large research panel and statistical weighting. What this means is that the survey is at best an estimation, based on the weighting, questions and panels. It is not the actual real figures. I wish that people would question these opinion polls a lot more. And we should certainly not base our strategies and methodologies upon them. At the very least give us real data. For an example of how ‘surveys’ can be used to mislead have a look at the ‘Quiet Revival’ report here – https://theweeflea.com/2025/06/10/the-quiet-revival-in-the-uk-ct/
2) Is it the case that the young people leaving were Christians?
We were given reasons for people leaving. Such as they were growing up and making their own decisions, especially when they moved out with the influence of their home church. Passages like Romans 1, Ephesians 5 were considered problematic because of their teaching about sexuality. Further reasons were given about the exclusivity of Christianity and its compatibility with scientific data. A new one on me was the suggestion that young people receiving professional counselling from psychologists were being guided away from the church.
The trouble with all of this is that no one asked the question – were they ever Christians in the first place? If all it takes for you to lose your faith is move home, then I would suggest that it was not a faith worth having in the first place. Again, I suspect the trouble here is that in our obsession with numbers and statistics (combined with a genuine desire to see people saved) – we want to be able to say we have had X numbers of professions of faith. I remember one man in Scotland who used to announce in his prayer letter that every year when he went to one Highland town, he had around 15 professions of faith. The trouble is that he was going to a children’s club and always asked the children that if they wanted to receive Jesus, they should raise their hands. Many of them did..they after all liked him and the club….but it was the same children doing the same thing year after year.
The fact is that we often just do not know who, and who not, are real believers. We leave the Lord to know those who are his – and whilst we encourage people to commit to following Christ, we should not seek to force, brainwash or unduly influence them.
3) When should we start teaching on apologetic questions?
It was suggested that we should teach on these subjects from age 14. And that we should allow for doubts. That is way too late! Children should be taught from the very earliest age a Christian, biblical worldview. Many of our children are being taught the opposite in primary school and through the media. By the time we tentatively start at 14 we are way behind the curve.
One of the most frustrating things in Sydney Anglicanism was the mantra I often heard – we do evangelism not apologetics. This was often attributed to Philip Jensen, which I found deliciously ironic, given that he is one of the best apologetic evangelists I have heard. My observation would be that the evangelism that is done is often programmatic and based on technique. It is designed to get the quickest results, but inevitably ends up with people who profess faith but don’t last. Or with people who profess faith but don’t think.
I first became aware of one of the main underlying problems with the Sydney youth at a Christian conference I spoke at. I asked the students how they would have voted if they had been able to vote in the Same Sex Marriage referendum. I don’t remember the exact figures but there was a majority who would have voted no, and two minorities who would have voted yes, or don’t know. When I asked the latter why they would have voted that way they came out with the usual ‘love is love’, ‘the state shouldn’t tell people who to marry etc’…. but what alarmed me was that the number one reason given by those who would have voted ‘no’ was ‘because the church says so’. In other words, they hadn’t thought about it. They were unable to articulate a biblical and Christian view of marriage. They were going to be toast when they went to Uni – unless they found a bubble to live in.
Another time I was due to speak at a church’s evangelism weekend when the missions pastor called me in. He told me that whilst his congregation were really looking forward to me coming, some of the young people were not. Not the children, or the teenagers (who I had spoken to before), but the Uni students. I asked why? And was given the surprising answer that I was too controversial and that students thought that their non-Christian friends would not like my ‘socially conservative’ views. It’s not that they disagreed with them (at least in theory), but the reality was that they were proponents of what I would call ‘toastie evangelism’. In order to evangelise people, you have to be really nice to them and give them a toastie…. then once they work out how nice you are, they will then want to come and hear more about Jesus.
This is such a common practice that even secular comedians are joking about it – see for example this from Kevin Bridges (note however that there are a few swear words in this)
In all my years in Australia I have never once been asked to do a debate in a University – usually being told that ‘that’s not what we do’ and it doesn’t reach people. It does. (Stop press – I’ve just remembered that I have been asked to do a debate at the University of Newcastle later this year – well done NCS!)
4) Is there a reason for optimism?
Let’s leave aside the normal cliches with which Christian’s console ourselves….’God is at work; the Spirit can do anything…. we are seeing signs of encouragement…. I was at a really good event the other week’…. etc These, like most cliches, are usually true, but they lack context and depth. God may also be at work in judgement, the Spirit may be grieved, the signs might be wrong, and you forget the other 99 events that were bland, cliched and FCO (For Christians Only). Just as we mustn’t be doom and gloom mongers, we must also not be so quick to dismiss lament and tears for what is wrong.
We were told that one reason for encouragement was that 8% of young adult went from the no religion to the Christian box (it was 36% the other way). Anyone expressing interest in Christ, or becoming a Christian, is a wonderful thing. She is not a statistic. But the 8% figure is….and it’s not an encouraging one – when read in context and balanced with everything else.
We were also told that it was really encouraging that young people longed for community and that some of those who left mourned the loss of their church community. An example was given of one girl who couldn’t pray but lit a candle for her friends. But it should not be a revelation that young people like to hang around together – and that they miss a group where they were able to do that. The reality is that there are many other options to the church community – and some of them seem to offer much better, with less restrictions and pretence.
What about university ministry? Again, there is some wonderful work going on in our student communities – not least amongst international students. But again, some hard questions need to be asked. AFES has over 60 plus student communities across Australia – this will vary from small to perhaps several hundred students in size. There are 174 full time staff and 106 part time staff. It is a well-staffed organisation. In my area there are around 5-6 staff. I love the work that they do and have spoken at some of their meetings. I was told that out of 37,000 students at the University of Newcastle not much more than 100 are involved with NCS (Newcastle Christian Students). Can you see the problem?
5) What was missed out?
Let’s return to the Pastors Heart discussion. The main problem was what was missing. Most notably the Bible. The only time it was really mentioned was as a problem, Romans 1 or Ephesians 5. But there was nothing said about the solutions from a biblical perspective. But the Bible has a great deal to say about how we bring up our children – so why not start with it as our response? Let’s stop using the Bible as illustrative material for our own theories!
Actually there was something that the discussion missed out on – which I also missed out on – when I first wrote this. There was very little mention of Jesus Christ! Which is actually the biggest omission of all. If a young person has Christ then He will never let them go – and all other things fade in comparison with Him. So I remember that when I became a Christian as a teenager we had a small, very tight knit group – but that broke up. It was a big blow to my faith – but my faith was not in my Christian friends – it was in Christ. And even the blows of broken friendships could not take Him away! When I refer to the Bible below I am talking about Christ’s Word, and when I refer to the Church – I am talking about His Church. He is the Alpha and the Omega.
It’s clear to me that the bible begins with the family.
The Family –
Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates (Deuteronomy 6:4-8)
“Choose this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15
Is there a cast iron guarantee that a child brought up in a faithful Christian home will continue in the faith? No. But we should expect that to be the norm – not the exception. When Gods commandments are on our hearts – not just our doorposts – that creates a reality within the home which is one of the greatest apologetics for the Gospel. If the only time you are talking about Christ and his word is in weekly ‘growth group’ then there is something wrong? What about family worship? What about just normal conversation round the dinner table (not the artificially constructed one that you have learned from that podcast you listen to about how to evangelise your own family members)? And what about Godly leadership in the home? The father tells his children “I can’t believe for you, but I can tell you that this house serves the Lord – and as long as you live here, you will come to worship God with us. “ Some parents, who would never think of giving their children the option of whether brushed their teeth, went to bed or ate; somehow manage to convey to their children that church is an optional extra. Amongst other things we need to bring back family worship!
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6)
My fear is that we have far too often handed the discipleship of our children over to the Church. But is the Church up to the task?
The Church –
Ecclesiology is the doctrine of the church. The ecclesiology of Sydney Anglicans is going to be their ruin. They can’t seem to make up their minds whether the denomination is just a property manager, or the means to provide a theological college. As for the local church, if it doesn’t gather for worship, what does it do? Run youth groups and evangelism courses as well as biblical lectures with a bit of music thrown in? The move from a church which honoured the Lord’s Day, where people went to morning and evening services, to one where you go to an ‘o’clock’ on weekends when you are doing nothing else, is not a great way to create the kind of soil in which a young person’s faith grows.
He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, 6 so that the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. 7 Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. (Psalm 78)
2 Timothy 3:15 tell us that Timothy had known the sacred writings from childhood having been taught them by his mother and grandmother. Which in turn reminds us that there is a role for women teaching in the Church. As Titus is told the older women are to train the younger women – (Titus 2:4).
The structure we have developed in many evangelical churches is not conducive to youth discipleship. Sunday schools, which sometimes train children not to be part of the main service, and youth groups (which sometimes also act as a means of separation from other age groups) can be helpful – but only if they are not done at the expense of connection with the wider church community. And, in my view, it has been an absolute disaster to have age related services where the elderly belong to the ‘8 o’clock’, the families to the 10 o’clock, and the young people to the 5 o’clock (or whatever your particular timing is) …The first time I was addressed as an ‘o’clock’ (‘good morning 10 o’clock’) I wondered what had happened to brothers and sisters? Would we separate people according to gender, ethnicity or class? If not, then why separate according to age? One of my heresies is that I don’t believe ‘kids church’ or ‘youth church’ or ‘university church’ is church. And I don’t believe that in the long term it helps our young people.
And yet so many of our churches are structured like this – and it is crippling. I think of the young Christian couple who came to Scots Kirk – at a time when we had no families and no young couples. They had a young baby. The mother told me afterwards that they had really enjoyed the service and were looking for a church. But I saw the look on her face. I said to her – ‘I know the answer to your question”. She smiled and said, ‘but I haven’t asked a question”. “I know…but the answer to the question you haven’t asked is – someone has to be first’! And this is precisely what she was thinking…. how can we come to a church where there is no Sunday school for our baby, or families programme, or youth group? We never saw them again. And therein lies the problem. If we are only going to go to churches which tick some of the boxes that we think we need, then, paddling in such shallow waters means we will end up in deep waters – the wrong kind! My two oldest children grew up in a church where there were no children their own age until they got into their late teens. One of them is now serving as a minister in an urban deprived area in Scotland, and the other teaches Sunday school in the Blue Mountains. They were loved and adored by the whole church. Of course, we were delighted when the church grew and so many families were added…. but we wanted them to be added for the right reasons – not the programmes we offered, but the Lord we loved – and who was present.
The same is true of student work. I was told that students would not come to our church because we were not a student church. But what is a student church? On the AFES approved list? A list that doesn’t exist in writing, but does in practice! Or as one AFES leader told me – ‘why are you even bothered about that – you are not a student church and should not try to be? Students won’t go to churches where there are not students’ – to which my response was that that only indicated a weakness within AFES. And that my concern was not with getting some of the 2-3 hundred students who go to AFES or university church – but the 30,000 plus who don’t go anywhere – and have never heard. I don’t mind losing young people who go to other faithful biblical churches – but I do mind if the reason they go is that it is a church for young people! The herd mentality only creates lost sheep.
One other aspect of the Church that intrigues me is that the Anglicans and Presbyterians- who in theory have a doctrine of baptism which includes baptising children as children of the Covenant – seem to have largely given up on infant baptism – other than seeing it as a more biblical kind of naming ceremony. The late great Rev William Still convinced me of the biblical reality of infant baptism through a booklet he wrote called ‘Bringing up children in faith and not fear’ (i.e. Faith they would become Christians, rather than fear they wouldn’t). It has always been an important part of church life, evangelism and discipleship. I remind the children, in the words of Sinclair Ferguson, ‘to fulfill their baptism’.
But I have noticed that the infant baptisms are done as it were ‘quietly and in a corner’, whilst. the adult baptisms are done with a great shout – either in the sea, or through hiring a pool – with great fanfares. I had the privilege a couple of months ago of baptising a young man who had come to faith, and a young baby who was brought by her parents. Both were baptised by sprinkling – and both were equally important. Perhaps one of the reasons we are having so much trouble with our covenant young people is that we have forgotten they are children of the covenant….and they don’t even know what that means! Instead of encouraging young people to be leaders or to serve on a particular roster, maybe we need to teach them how valuable they are as children of the Covenant God, whatever they do!
(Here is an article I wrote on the importance of infant baptism – https://theweeflea.com/2016/12/06/baptism-a-personal-journey-in-which-it-is-discovered-that-infant-baptism-is-biblical/)
The School – I have already said far too much – and as I have written on this many times before, I will just point you to this article on Christian education that I wrote for New Life. https://theweeflea.com/2025/02/08/letters-to-a-post-christian-nation-6-education-new-life/
In conclusion – I don’t mean to attack anyone. And I hope that people will perceive that I am trying to operate on the basis that the wounds of a friend are faithful (Proverbs 27:5-6). Nor am I claiming that I have got all this right – but I am writing as someone who has over 40 years’ experience working in this field and who has seen some of the principles I espouse above work. It takes time, and its hard work…. but the rewards are worth it. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. (Psalm 126:5-6).
As a PS…
In an article I wrote for Scottish Christian Broadcast ten years ago…. I asked two questions – what’s gone wrong? And what’s gone right? They seem as relevant to Australia today as they were to Scotland in 2016
What’s Gone Wrong?
Society has changed. The days when there was nothing to do on a Sunday and sending the kids off to Sunday school was an attractive option, have long gone. Sunday is now the day for children’s sports and shopping. Besides which there is the Internet, computer games and social media. Who wants to go to boring old Sunday school? Or even the hip, new trendy, Sunday club?
The schools have changed. We have moved from a basically Christian education system to one that has become ‘neutral’ in theory, but in reality, in many cases anti-Christian, instilling atheistic secularist principles in our children.
The whole concept of the family has been undermined. The sexual revolution, decline of Christianity, the atomization and individualization of society, and the teaching of philosophies that fundamentally attack the Christian understanding of the family, have resulted in many broken families. I remember taking one camp just outside Dundee and of the 20 children present I could only say to one, ‘go home to your mum and dad’.
And the Church has lagged behind. Too many churches have worked on the premise that if you get the children then you will get the parents as well – a failed mantra which has had disastrous consequences. Yes, for years we were able to hold our holiday clubs, children’s nights and outreach events – but we were never really getting to the heart of the problem. Now that the children have better things to do and the parents more babysitting options, even these are becoming more difficult.
This is thankfully not true in every church. There are churches with many families and young children, where the children play a vital part in the life of the church. What are they doing right? I would make the following general observations.
What’s Gone Right
- They take the family seriously – They care about families, recognizing that in God’s plan the family is the basic building block for society. They avoid the mistake of idolizing the nuclear family (thus alienating the extended family and all single people) and they challenge the cultural attitudes and practices that so undermine the family.
- They take children seriously – Children are not pests. Nor are they little idols. They are human beings made in the image of God who need to be brought up in the love and fear of the Lord. Churches who recognize that Sunday school is not a babysitting agency will invest in quality teachers, quality resources and quality prayer. And Sunday school is only a small part. Family worship (remember that?), youth bible groups, catechism, and children’s/teen apologetics (answering the questions the children are asking or being asked) are all essential.
- They take church seriously – The church is a family. In that sense the children of the Church belong to everyone in the church. You don’t need a massive youth organization or Sunday school in order for children to belong. I have noticed that if the parents take church seriously, the children are much more likely to. In this respect let me give one example from my own experience. Parents who bring their children along to the evening service (and not just morning Sunday school) are in general far more likely to see them continuing to follow Christ, than those who do not.
- They take the Bible seriously – They do all of this because they actually believe the Bible. It is not a pick ‘n’ mix book out of which the nice bits and the cute stories are to be selected. It is the Word of God which needs to be taught, learned, discussed, shared and wrestled with.
In all of this or course, they are only following Christ. He took the family seriously, he took the bible seriously and he took children so seriously that he warned that those who caused them to stumble deserved to go to Hell. Perhaps as those who profess to follow Christ, we should have his attitude. ‘Let the little children come to me, do not hinder them, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.