SEEK 36 – Non-Christian Friends

This weeks SEEK chapter –

SEEK 36 – Non-Christian Friends

 Question: 36. How can we follow Jesus and hang out with friends who are not Christian?

  Bible Reading: Luke 7:28-35

Text: “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, “Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (Luke 7:34)

This is yet another great question. Like many other great questions, it is not as simple as we like to think. On the one hand there are those who cite verses such as Proverbs 13:20 – “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm”. On the other there are those who cite the verse above. In fact, the Bible has a lot to say about friends, because friendship is so important to us as human beings.

Let’s begin by asking ‘what is a friend’? I like the definition in the Encyclopaedia Britannica – “a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all cultures, friendships are important relationships throughout a person’s life span.”

God has made us as social beings. We all need friends. But like all the good things that God has given us the gift of friendship can be misused. We can be so desperate for friends that we end up doing things that we know are wrong. Which is why Paul warns us “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” (1 Corinthians 15:33). James reminds us of the consequences of friendship with the world, “You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.” (James 4:4) It is possible to be friends with ‘worldly’ people, but if our friendships lead us away from God then they are not helpful.

This does not mean that we should have no friends who are ‘worldly’. If that were the case, we would have to leave the world. But it does mean that we should follow the advice of Proverbs 12:26 “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

When I became a Christian most of my friends were not. What intrigued me was that some were happy for me to be a Christian and did not let it affect our friendship, but others didn’t really want to know me now that I had ‘become a Bible basher’. Friends who make your friendship conditional upon you thinking and behaving just like them are not really the sort of friends you want.

Jesus was a ‘friend of sinners’ not because he ‘hung out’ with people and affirmed or ignored their sin. No – he was a true friend because he wanted to see those people be forgiven and come to really know him. In fact, he wanted to be their friend. If you follow him then you will desire the same.

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24) All of our friends will let us down (including our Christian ones), but there is one who never will. If I am truly your friend, then I want to share with you the greatest things I have. What is greater than Christ? He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.

This is not to say that you are always to be evangelising your friends or suggesting that you will not be their friend unless they become Christians. But it is to say that your love for them means that you want the best for them. Therefore, when you are with your friends you won’t want to do anything that points them away from Christ.

That has great practical implications. In the first week of the first term of my first year at Edinburgh University it was a tradition of the hall I stayed in that we all went on a pub crawl – where most got drunk. I didn’t want to go, but neither did I want to be seen as a snob or someone who was not prepared to get involved with other people. So, I joined the pub crawl. However, after the first pub I said that I was just going to stay there and play pool. Much to my astonishment many of the others decided they would stay to. They also did not want to join in the drunkenness. You can be friends with people and not be a self-righteous prig!

However, it may be that you will lose some friends because you choose to follow Jesus Christ. But although you may lose them – you have gained him. “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:12-13). You now have the Son of God as your friend! What a friend we have in Jesus!

Consider: Do you consider your Facebook friends to be real friends? What is a real friend? How many real friends do you have? How can you cultivate real friendship? Why is ‘hanging out’ not enough? Does being the friend of Jesus make a difference to how you view friendships?

Further Reading:

Beautifully Distinct – Conversations with Friends on Faith, Life and Culture – Ed. Trillia Newbell

The Four Loves – C S Lewis

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevin-deyoung/jesus-friend-of-sinners-but-how/

Prayer: Lord Jesus, we thank you for the gift of friendship. May we truly be those who love and serve our friends. When we have been hurt and wounded by them help us to see whether that is good and to forgive when it is bad. Most of all may we rely on you as the greatest friend of all. In your name, Amen.

SEEK 35 – What is the Point of Algebra?