Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Forgive me if this is a bit personal and raw. I am writing this on the plane as I return home to Newcastle – after a surreal and sad few days back home in Scotland for the funeral of my mother. Home. That’s such an evocative word. It has connotations of belonging and being accepted. Do I have a home? Do I belong anywhere?
On Monday I left Newcastle and flew from Sydney via Singapore and Helsinki to arrive in Edinburgh on Tuesday morning. (Annabel was unable to come partly because it is so expensive and exhausting to make such a short trip – in effect four days travel for one day. – I went representing the family in Australia – my daughter Becky and her family are also here). It was made even more exhausting because I am suffering with sciatica. Thankfully in the Lord’s mercy a couple of friends enabled me to get Premium Economy which is ridiculously priced for a couple of extra leg inches…although I was very grateful for them as they made a big difference.
My daughter Emma Jane picked me up from the airport and drove me to Perth where I took the train to Inverness. Perth station is to my mind a picture of Scotland – it is at the centre of a most beautiful area – Perthshire in Autumn is stunning – but the station is a depressing, rundown dump – and has been that way for decades. You would think that the SNP government, and SNP run local council, would do something to improve the station in the centre of Scotland’s heart.
No Country for Old Men
It is hard to say this but every time I return ‘home’ to Scotland, it no longer feels like the country I call home. There are so many good things about Scotland – the beauty of the countryside; the character and heritage of the people, the history and especially the history of Christianity in this land of ‘the people of the book’. But these great riches are being frittered away by a government and civic elite which are destroying the foundations of the culture, and doesn’t know what to replace it with. Each time I return to Scotland I see a declining nation and a decaying and confused culture. My worst nightmares for Scotland are coming true. I feel politically, socially and even spiritually homeless.
My sister Fiona and brother-in-law, Gerry, took me to Clarkston House, our home near Portmahomack, where I stayed the night on my own. Every time I – and Annabel, and our children and our grandchildren have gone to ‘the Port’ it has always been special. The view is stunning – but I realised as I lay in that house alone – it was no longer a home – it was just a house. What had made it a home was the presence of my father and mother – their hard work, kindness, quirkiness, reality, hospitality and practical faith – made it a real sanctuary– a foretaste of heaven. As I wrote in this article about their strawberries, vegetables and above all eggs!
https://theweeflea.com/2017/12/31/a-taste-of-heaven/
Granny Chickens
Speaking of the eggs ‘Granny chickens’ loved her hens. In fact, just before she died, she had just bought another six. It somehow seemed fitting that she was discovered dead after a woman knew that there was something wrong because the chickens had not been let out of the hen house. For me apart from the absence of my mother, it was the absence of the chickens that made the house and land feel so empty.
The Farewell
When it came to the actual funeral I tried to write out a eulogy, but I couldn’t do it. How can you summarise the life of your mother in 5 minutes? So, when I stood up, I just spoke to the people who were there. I was so thankful for family, friends (some of whom had travelled from as far as Edinburgh) and neighbours. They had come to celebrate the life of my mother, but also to mourn and to weep with those who weep. (By the way I am tired of the modern trend of trying to make grief better by saying that the funeral is just all about celebration. No, it isn’t. It is unbelievably sad. Of course I am thankful for my mother…profoundly, deeply – but that is why the mourning is so much more painful. The loss is so much greater. Please allow people to mourn. And weep with those who weep. My heart is broken. An era is ended. My mother has gone…let us mourn without giving us reasons to be cheerful or inviting guilt or superficiality.
I don’t really remember much of what I said – you can get it on the YouTube version of the funeral – (I will post a link when it is available). I know that I spoke of her connection to the people who were there – some of whom had travelled a considerable distance to come and pay their respects. I thanked her neighbours, friends and family who had cared for her so that she could fulfill her wish to be able to die at home. There was a good attendance. In today’s world, where both life and death are cheap, to have such an attendance at a funeral for a 90-year-old spoke volumes. I spoke of her character, especially her strong independence, and her faith – which had increased and deepened as she aged. And I spoke of it being an end of an era.
These words from Proverbs 31 seemed appropriate – “25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honour her for all that her hands have done and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Though outwardly her body was wasting away, inwardly she was being renewed day by day – especially in reading the word and listening to it preached by her favourite preachers – Sinclair Ferguson, Alaister Begg, Angus Macrae and her favourite, her grandson and my son, Andrew. I was so proud of him in delivering the sermon (at her request). I know just how difficult it was and yet it was clear, compassionate and Christ -centred. Just what my mother would have wanted.
One Last Visit
After the funeral and reception in the Portmahomack hotel – the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren all went for what I suspect will be one last visit to the house. There was something symbolic and moving to see her great grandchildren taking out the same box of toys and games that her grandchildren had played with. It also confirmed my awareness that Annabel and I will never be granny and grandad chickens! That has gone forever. And so, when EJ, and her husband Chris, drove me away from the house – I couldn’t help but feel that this was really the end. The next day I phoned the solicitor to tell him to put the house on the market (if any of you are interested in this Highland paradise let me know!) … It’s the end of an era…and an end of our Portmahomack home.
Dundee and Edinburgh – Family and Friends
After staying with John and Betty Ellis in Dundee, and seeing my son Andrew and his wonderful wife, Caireen, and children; it was time for EJ to take me for lunch and then to the airport. She was comatosed from night shift and lots of driving….and me from jet lag, emotion and lack of sleep…. but it was a precious time. In fact, every moment with friends and family was precious…
And so I left Edinburgh late on Thursday afternoon and will hopefully arrive in Sydney on Saturday morning – where again the kindness of Christian brothers and sisters is demonstrated by a couple driving down from Newcastle to Sydney – and back to my home with Annabel in our wee house in Whitebridge…and a church home where I believe that God has called us to prepare people to go to their eternal home….
God’s Gonna Cut You Down
I have not given up on Scotland – and I don’t believe God has…but I do think a tremendous judgement is coming upon the nation – and is perhaps already here. (by the way this is not the comment of someone who has escaped to a paradise in Australia – we may be ten years behind Scotland in our descent into the pit, but we are still heading that direction – unless the Lord intervenes).
One indicator of just how far down the rabbit hole the UK as a whole has gone is given on my BA flight from Singapore to Sydney. When I switch on the map as well as being told airspeed, distance to destination, etc I am also given a Mecca compass and told which Islamic prayer I should be praying at the moment – on British Airways! Doubtless BA exec will tell us that this is all done in the name of equality and diversity – but the reality is that some are more equal than others. There is no other religion or group given such special treatment. You can guarantee that Emirates, Qater and Dubai airlines are not offering up information on Christian prayer. Britain has lost its way.
No Continuing City
Reading the above it may seem as though I am, understandably, being a bit morose and discouraged or discouraging – as though the end of my mother has led me to ‘it’s the end of world as we know it’. And it’s true that I do feel ‘homeless’ in several senses. Portmahomack is no longer my home, and Scotland no longer feels like home. In some senses my attitude to Scotland is the same as my attitude to the house in the Port. Just as without my parents that house has lost its soul – so Scotland feels to me like a soulless place – as the cultural and civic elites have killed of Scotland’s Christian heritage and adopted a new green/progressive religion of self, superficiality and superiority. As a nation it’s as though we are embarrassed by our spiritual ancestors and have replaced them with new selfself-made but ultimately destructive idols. The fox has truly got into the hen house.
Even as regards the church I now have a lot more sympathy with those who feel that they don’t quite belong. In one sense I never thought I belonged to any church although I was fiercely proud of the Free Church – but always felt like the outsider. But that didn’t really matter. I tried to live by Chalmer’s maxim – “who cares for the Free Church compared with the Christian good of Scotland”.
A New (temporary) Home?
What about Australia? Is that home? In one sense yes. Even as I write I feel as though I am going home to Newy…and not just because Annabel is there. Both of us have grown to appreciate the place where God in his strange providence has placed us. When we moved here from North Shore our daughter Becky who lives in the Blue Mountains suggested that we were more ‘Newey people than North Shore people! She wasn’t wrong. Newcastle is to Sydney as Dundee is to Edinburgh. It is a post-industrial city with a strong working- and middle-class culture. A lot of open needs and lots of spiritual potential. Like Dundee. I feel called here. Home is wherever God has placed you and I believe that he has a work for us to do in, and through, the Presbyterian church here.
We have been granted ‘permanent residency’ here in Australia, but we know that nothing in this life is permanent. This world is not my home; I’m just a passing through. But we can still enjoy the journey – and see all that is good in it as something that God has given us richly to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17)) and all that is bad as something which will eventually be ‘undone’. (Revelation 21:4). The imagery of Revelation tells us that there will be no more sea in heaven – that is not because the Pacific Ocean is bad! But rather because sea represents separation (the pain of separation by 16,900km is a constant!
The Rainbow Hope
But there is a greater hope. We mourn – but not as those that have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). The morning of the funeral…I got out of bed feeling sad yet strangely refreshed…. I opened the curtains in the front room, only to see the most magnificent rainbow arching the house, as I looked over the Dornoch Firth to the Sutherland hills. I actually prayed “Lord, you’re kidding”! I admit it was not a very biblical prayer. But I was astonished. To you it may not appear a great thing – and maybe I am being overdramatic – but to me it was sign, a covenant sign. The most perfect rainbow arched over the house. It remained at that intensity for no more than 5 minutes…
It’s sad that in the devil’s perversity of all that is good, the rainbow has come to represent in our culture, all that is perverse. The devil always seeks to distort the good. I object to that cultural/spiritual misappropriation, and I want to take our sign back. It is not a sign of human pride and perversity. The rainbow is a sign of God’s judgement over a sinful world, and of his mercy and determination to save it. It is also a sign of his authority.
At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. 3 And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne”. (Revelation 4:2-3)
The rainbow is only over our homes for a fleeting moment. But the rainbow is always over the throne.
The elders around the throne cast down their crowns and declare “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.’ (Revelation 4:11)
My mother, like the rest of us, was created by God. It was by his will she had her being. And by his will he took her from her ‘no fixed abode’ to her eternal home. Her deeds follow after her.
Destroy the Ring of Power and Hasten the Return of the King
I have said enough. On the plane back I have been watching all three Lord of the Rings films – finding them strangely relevant and poignant. Frodo and Gandalf took the ship into the West when their work was done. For those who are not yet called home, we are in the face of increasing darkness and evil, to shine the Light and defeat the Darkness.
The question I face is this – do I sit and wait for the inevitable sinking of the ship? Do I join in the band playing hymns as the ship goes down? Do I help rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic?! Or do I obey God’s call to rescue the perishing and to shine like stars as we firmly hold to the word of life (Philippians 2:15). It’s a no brainer….
Yours in Christ
David
Ps – This weeks Beauty for Ashes was done in memory of my mother – Beauty for Ashes 3 – Sorrow and Songs – a Mother’s Special
And this is the song that was featured….I was standing by that window with the rainbow thinking exactly this –
Letter from Australia 128 – The Christian ‘Middle Road’ that leads to Disaster
Hello David,
Yes, the death of our mother leaves us strangely disconnected from our past …. in a way that you put into words far better than I can. Sympathy and prayers from your near neighbours Gordon and Rosemary from Gosford Presbyterian Church.
Wonderfully put, David, and true to reality.
I love the Epistle to Diognetus 5-6
Living in the World
5 For Christians cannot be distinguished from the rest of the human race by country or language or customs. 2They do not live in cities of their own; they do not use a peculiar form of speech; they do not follow an eccentric manner of life. 3This doctrine of theirs has not been discovered by the ingenuity or deep thought of inquisitive men, nor do they put forward a merely human teaching, as some people do. 4Yet, although they live in Greek and barbarian cities alike, as each man’s lot has been cast, and follow the customs of the country in clothing and food and other matters of daily living, at the same time they give proof of the remarkable and admittedly extraordinary constitution of their own commonwealth. 5They live in their own countries, but only as aliens. They have a share in everything as citizens, and endure everything as foreigners. Every foreign land is their fatherland, and yet for them every fatherland is a foreign land. 6They marry, like everyone else, and they beget children, but they do not cast out their offspring. 7They share their board with each other, but not their marriage bed. 8It is true that they are “in the flesh,” but they do not live “according to the flesh.” 9They busy themselves on earth, but their citizenship is in heaven. 10They obey the established laws, but in their own lives they go far beyond what the laws require. 11They love all men, and by all men are persecuted. 12They are unknown, and still they are condemned; they are put to death, and yet they are brought to life. 13They are poor, and yet they make many rich; they are completely destitute, and yet they enjoy complete abundance. 14They are dishonoured, and in their very dishonour are glorified; they are defamed, and are vindicated. 15They are reviled, and yet they bless; when they are affronted, they still pay due respect. 16When they do good, they are punished as evildoers; undergoing punishment, they rejoice because they are brought to life. 17They are treated by the Jews as foreigners and enemies, and are hunted down by the Greeks; and all the time those who hate them find it impossible to justify their enmity.
6 To put it simply: What the soul is in the body, that Christians are in the world. 2The soul is dispersed through all the members of the body, and Christians are scattered through all the cities of the world. 3The soul dwells in the body, but does not belong to the body, and Christians dwell in the world, but do not belong to the world. 4The soul, which is invisible, is kept under guard in the visible body; in the same way, Christians are recognised when they are in the world, but their religion remains unseen. 5The flesh hates the soul and treats it as an enemy, even though it has suffered no wrong, because it is prevented from enjoying its pleasures; so too the world hates Christians, even though it suffers no wrong at their hands, because they range themselves against its pleasures. 6The soul loves the flesh that hates it, and its members; in the same way, Christians love those who hate them. 7The soul is shut up in the body, and yet itself holds the body together; while Christians are restrained in the world as in a prison, and yet themselves hold the world together. 8The soul, which is immortal, is housed in a mortal dwelling; while Christians are settled among corruptible things, to wait for the incorruptibility that will be theirs in heaven. 9The soul, when faring badly as to food and drink, grows better; so too Christians, when punished, day by day increase more and more. 10It is to no less a post than this that God has ordered them, and they must not try to evade it.
Love it! Thanks.
Thanks for this moving piece David. So, so sorry for the loss of your mother.
I’ve just been listening to the story of William Booth with my children. London really was so dire in his time: alcoholism of children, child prostitution (enabled by powerful people), most of the poor never having heard the gospel and most rich Christians wanting nothing to do with the poor (especially not in their churches). But by God’s grace and through men like Booth and Spurgeon, London really turned a corner. So I’m just saying, don’t lose hope for Scotland even if it seems dire there (as does England right now)!
Loved the rainbow over your home! So special! Confirmation you are just where you should be!
May God bless you, comfort you and sustain you in your grief. Take care, Rowina
Dear David
Thank you. Thank you for your openness and honesty. Thank you for so many of the podcasts that I listen to while at work- cleaning a boarding house in Scotland. I listened to your Beauty for Ashes special yesterday (31st) and managed to hold back the tears, but the tears flow as I read this at “home”. The process of mourning does hit at unexpected times… the departure of our parents is a tough one. Romans 12:15 comes to mind.
Thank you for your ministry based in Australia which brings insight and perspective. You minister truth around the world.
The sight of a rainbow always brings me such joy and reminds me of Gods amazing love and faithfulness.
Give yourself time to mourn your loss.
If you (or anyone else) had left Perth station in search of some food or drink you would not find it in the two closest hotels. They are full of single men from other countries. Most or all from other continents.
This past week 7 foreigners have been sent to prison for raping Scottish girls.
In Kirkcaldy one spiked 2 girls drinks then raped them.
In Elgin an Afghan raped a 17 year old. The government is going to house around 300 single foreign men in the Cameron Barracks in Inverness. They will be free to come and go as they please.
In Dundee a gang of 5 “Romanians” had groomed, raped and prostituted a number of women in various flats.
Our young women are paying the price for politicians’ decisions to bring these people into the country.
———————————————-
Perth hotels:
• The Radisson Blu (ex Station Hotel).
• Best Western Queens Hotel.
In Dundee they are housed in the ex-student Kingsway Apartments.
Thank you so much for writing this David.
Very moving … & very apt. I am new to this podcast, but know Scotland well. David’s comments are accurate. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you David – After reading your message, I had tears in my eyes – sympathising with your heartache over the loss of your mother, and mourning over the sad demise of our once ‘proud’ nation. It is heartbreaking to see most of Scotland’s Churches for sale. I live in Inverness, and it is indeed a great worry to be informed we are to have 300 young men arriving shortly in the centre of town, after a £1.3m accommodation refurbishment. They will be housed next to 2 schools. Anyone who expresses concern is labelled ‘racist’. Thank you for your daily messages which are very encouraging. Many blessings.
Thank you David. Heartfelt sympathy to you and all the family. I wouldn’t normally share so personally…even as Christians it’s hard to openly share the life changing impact of grief. But that’s what it is…an experience that takes your life onto a different road from what you have known previously. Sometimes we mourn too not knowing the heart of those we’ve lost…but thankful for His peace that passes understanding in the ‘not knowing’. I have seen that peace as miraculous at times. More recently…3 years on…and also 18 years on in heartbreaking, totally devastating loss, though reading your words in tears, your honesty in your grief has blessed me. Thank you! Praying for you all. 🙏🫂😥
Thanks David for sharing so honestly what is on your heart. I pray that the Lord will bring comfort and encouragement to you in the coming days. My own godly mother had the home call a couple of years ago. The shortness of time and nearness of eternity become so much clearer and more precious in these times. God is building His Church and Western departures from Gospel truth have already led Him to raise up many more leaders from other parts of the world. This has happened over the centuries of Church history as you know. However, I do believe that the Lord is more gracious and merciful than we deserve and so we pray on for more moves of His Spirit in this land of Scotland in the coming days.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Your podcast has been enlightening and a delight.
So sad for your loss. I look forward to seeing God bring Beauty from these ashes in you life and work.
With love, Jacqi from Texas
Dear David, I am deeply touched by this. So sorry about your loss – no-one can replace a good mum (or dad). But as usual, you are taking the opportunity to let something good come out of your grief (and your whole family’s grief). So grateful for your openness when dealing with bereavement – and SO glad the Lord sent His rainbow at just the right time – His perfect timing – and if you look very closely – it is actually a DOUBLE rainbow! God bless you and your family, David as you remember Granny (and Grandad) Chickens. 🐓🐓🐓
Sending sincere condolences and sympathy.
David,
Thank you for sharing your life in a deeply thoughtful and soul searching way.
I really appreciate that brother. May thr Lord continue to bless you richly in your ministry of written and spoken word amongst Christian people and beyond
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your words are so wise and seem to flow well from your heartbreak.
Thank you for these beautiful and poignant reflections. So many personal resonances …
We have the calm assurance that we can face uncertain days because he lives!!
“Because he lives I can face tomorrow”
Thank you for sharing your journey and thoughts about your mom and her funeral!
Hi David, so sad yet very real your recent experiences and how openly you have expressed it. I always sensed you have a prophetic calling upon you(whether you or others believe it or not) and we see in the Bible that the prophets had to experience the heart of God before they could say “thus says the Lord” to the people. Isaiah, Jeremiah and Ezekiel had to go through suffering and be a prophetic picture of what the Lord was about to do and they felt it first before the people then did. I believe you may have just gone through a similar experience and have seen and indeed felt the Lords broken heart for Scotland and the judgement that is upon us? We are heading for big trouble and will be brought very low but it is then that people will truly start to cry out to Him and we WILL see a move of God. Psalm 110 says that there HAS to be another Day of His power and the Father has promised this to His beloved Son. We are broken at the moment and there is more breaking to come but there will be beauty from the ashes and we will see Jesus exalted again in the land.
Hi David. I was Your Mum and Dads neighbour,at Mill house. Jean was a legend in her own lifetime,and Andrew was great to have a blether with. I’m really hoping that someone local buys Clarkston house. Someone who knows its history and values the land as well. I know who Jean would like to have it. It was a wonderful service,the best Funeral I’ve been to since moving to Scotland 18 years ago. Well done to you and your son,and the community of Rosskeen church.
Thanks Lynn, that is really appreciated. I have sent you an e-mail to explain what we are doing and why….but I agree with you. I would sell the house to a local person at the drop of a hat – if they come up with its value! And I would happily refuse higher bids from outsiders – or holiday home people.